WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO?

It's been several months since I've posted on this blog.  It's been a combination of being wound up on other projects and not making this blog a time priority.  It's a good situation to remind myself of the value of consistency.

Consistency is the truest measure of performance.  Anyone can have a good game, a good day, a good week, a good month or a good year.  But people who perform at the highest levels day in, day out set the bar for us amateurs.  I can stand at the free throw line on a basketball court and sink a free throw three times out of ten tries.  But Lebron James can make 9 out of 10 everyday of the year and sink 3-pointers with two guys guarding him.  That's why he makes the "big bucks" and I don't.  He's consistent.

I have the skill to manage a huge project, but I don't floss my teeth every night like I should.  I can deliver a speech in front of a 1,000 people but I can't eat a consistant diet or exercise everyday.    Whatever result you are looking for in your life, it comes down to consistent action.  Want to be at the highest level in your field?  Want to be healthy and happy?

It comes down to one question.  "What are you willing to do to get whatever you want?"

THE BUTTERFLY

Many years ago, I read a story about a man who was watching a butterfly break out of its cocoon.  The man could see the butterfly struggling to break through the wall of the cocoon and decided to give it some help. He broke off the leaf that held the cocoon and took it into the house.  With an Exacto knife and a small tweezers, he carefully cut open the wall of the cocoon.   The butterfly worked it's way out through the opening and plopped out onto the man's kitchen table.   He carefully moved the butterfly on to a sheet of paper and took it outside so it could fly away.

But after a few minutes, the butterfly stopped moving.  Unable to spread it's wings, it lay motionless as the man watched in bewilderment.

Apparently, the butterfly needs the struggle of breaking through the cocoon to pump blood into it's wings.  Without that struggle, it cannot gain the strength to fly.  Without the ability to fly, it cannot survive.  Though the man had a noble intention by trying to help the butterfly through it's struggle, he deprived the butterfly from the essential process it needed to grow and mature and ultimately survive.

Though we try to avoid struggle, it is absolutely necessary for our growth and maturity as people.   When I think about the times I tried to rescue my children from pain and discomfort, I was actually doing them a disservice by not allowing them to experience the struggle that would help them to grow up.

Like the butterfly, we are built to struggle and need that experience to fully grow into our life.  

STEER CLEAR OF RUMINATORS

One new vocabulary word I've picked up over the last few years is the word ruminate.  If you're not familiar with this word, it means "to think about things very deeply."  But in the world of psychology, it generally means to obsess over things repeatedly, especially negative things.  While this is a classic symptom of depression, many people ruminate over the daily events of their lives.

You might work or live with someone who ruminates.  It's easy to tell because they complain and obsess constantly.  Ruminators suck the energy out of everything and everyone.  They are exhausting to be around because no matter how positive and upbeat you want to be, a ruminator will find something wrong with it.

You: "Looks like a beautiful day today"
Them: "Yeah, but it's supposed to rain later."

You: "You look great today."
Them: "But I feel like shit."

You: "Happy Birthday!"
Them: "What's there to be happy about? I'm just getting older!"

I think you get the picture.  A person is very much like a plant.  A plant needs a good seed, healthy soil, sunlight and water to grow to it's full potential.  Our ability to grow is closely connected to our environment so we have to take care to create the best environment for our growth.

But the most important reason to steer clear of "ruminators" is that whatever you put energy toward will expand.  It's the reason why ruminators have such a negative life.  The reality is that you become whatever you think.

OUTSIDE THE COMFORT ZONE

When I was in my early 20's, I read a newspaper article about a young man who was killed when a tire he was inflating exploded.  I'm sure there were circumstances that I didn't know about (defect in the tire or just plain over-inflation), but all I could remember was the guy was killed.  Since then, I've had a phobia about inflating tires, any kind of tire, even bicycle tires.  If my tires are low, I'll go to a tire shop and have someone else do it, even if I have to pay them.  I've tried to do it myself, but as soon as I start hearing the air rushing in, all I can imagine is the tire exploding and concussion of the blast hurting or killing me.

I got a mountain bike recently but the tires were low.  My son Caine, is a bicycle mechanic in Portland and sent me a portable pump.  But I still planned to take the bike down to a bike shop so they could inflate the tires.  When I told Caine I wasn't going to use the pump, he could sense my fear and told me, "Dad, the tire manufacturers test the bursting point of a tire and the "recommended tire pressure" is less than half of that. There's no need to be afraid."

There's a part of our brain that creates fear in us.  It's put there for our protection to make sure we survive.  But our brain can't analyze whether the fear we have is real or imagined, we have to decide that ourselves.  Most of the fears we have in our minds are imagined because they're based on long-shot, worse case scenarios.  If we want to grow in our lives, we have to come out of our comfort zone and fight through "imagined fears" like inflating tires.

All of our growth comes outside our comfort zone.

LOVING THE RAIN

From my window, I can watch the rain coming down in buckets.  Its been raining in Hilo the last couple of days, which is what people expect out of Hilo.  The rain is the main reason why things are so green, real estate is so cheap and most tourists are just passing through on their way to see the volcano.

When I told people I was moving to Hilo, most of them asked me why I wanted to move to someplace that rained so much.  They either didn't know or forgot that I lived most of my life in Portland, Oregon where rain and cold go together like peanut butter and jelly.  

The typical Portland winter could bring 10-12 weeks of constant rain and overcast, which means you could go months without seeing the sun.  There's actually a condition call "Seasonal Affective Disorder" where lack of sun brings deep depression as well as massive deficiency in vitamin D.   With the effects of global warming, now it rains right on through the summer as well.  With that perspective, Hilo looks like Palm Springs to me.

I've come to realize now that those years in Portland were really getting me ready to live in Hilo.  Like so many things in life, we are constantly being prepared for what is ahead.  Writing for the newspaper in high school prepared me to enjoy the writing I do today.  Sitting next to my grandmother while she tended to the plants gave me an appreciation for gardening.  Losing my wife at a relatively early age prepared me to treasure the relationships that are so precious to me now.

So many of us complain about the "rain" in our lives, but we have no idea what the Universe is preparing us for.   Our struggles turn into important lessons, our disappointments turn into keys for our future success and our failures turn into the motivation to achieve our greatest triumphs.

In the time it took me to write these few paragraphs, the sky opened up and I can see the sun shining brilliantly.  But I needed those two days of rain to really love this very moment.

SUNRISE OR SUNSET?

I was showing my sister this picture that I took at our family reunion on Moloka'i two years ago.   She looked at the picture and commented, "Wow, that is a beautiful sunset."

I reminded her that we were on the east end of the island, which meant that this was actually a sunrise and not a sunset.   That sparked a conversation about how difficult it is to tell the difference between sunrise and sunset with just a quick glance.  You actually have to watch it for a few minutes to tell which way the sun is going.

Life is a lot like that too.   Sometimes we don't really know if the sun is setting or rising in our lives because it totally depends on the perspective we choose.  When we lose our desire to be creative, the energy to physically move around and the self-esteem to see ourselves as growing and expanding, we definitely see the sun going down on our lives.   People who always choose to see their lives as the "sunrise" don't pay attention to how old they are, don't feel limited by their past mistakes and see the future as a great opportunity and not something to do while you're waiting to die.

Look at the picture again.  It's a sunrise.   And it happens every day.

BECOMING YOUR PROBLEMS

I was talking to a friend the other day about some problems she was having in several different areas of her life.   They were important issues that needed to have time and attention, but as the conversation went on, it became apparent that she was hitting "overwhelm" mode.  The more we discussed things, the more the situation sounded dire and depressing.   She was "becoming her problem."

When problems and adversity seep into our lives, we often "internalize" the problem and see ourselves as the main root of our difficulties.  We get locked into this sense helplessness because our mind automatically runs "worse case scenarios" through our consciousness.  Einstein made reference to this when he said, "You can't solve a problem with the same mentality that created it."

Skilled problem solvers always see their problems as "separate" from themselves.  They don't allow situations or circumstances to affect their self-esteem, confidence or resourcefulness.  That's why they seem to resolve things without paying the huge emotional toll (or drama) that comes when we beat ourselves up for the predicaments we find ourselves in.

Our nature as humans is to be loving, wise, caring, interactive and intelligent.  If we get sucked into believing our lives are just a series of ongoing problems, we don't give ourselves the chance to see our real talents, skills and passion.

THE SUN ALWAYS SHINES

The sun is rising on another day.  It looks beautiful outside.  My grandma (my mom's mom), used to say "sunny everyday" in her best broken English.  On rainy days, I used to tell her, "raining today grandma, we gotta stay inside."  To which she replied, "no, sunny everyday."  I used to think she was just old and kind of senile, but later on in my life, when I understood the spiritual meaning of her words, it all made sense to me.

She was trying to tell me that above the clouds, the sun is always shining, so no matter what we might see just above us, its always a beautiful day if we can get past the clouds (or whatever weather we see).  That's been a valuable lesson for me because there were large parts of my life where I let the "clouds" in my life distort my reality.  I used to let the clouds determine how I was going to feel because I didn't "believe" in the sun unless I could see it and feel it.   My grandma gave me the first step of my spiritual evolution, to believe in things not seen, to have faith in nature (like the sun) and to understand that our perception is really our reality.

I miss my grandma, but I remember her at the beginning of every day, whether or not I can see the sun rise.

OUR LEISURE TIME DEFINES US

Most people who are around my age have been going to the same job for years.   By now, they have elevated themselves to a position where they are already starting to think about retirement.  Most don't want to retire because in some form, they have defined themselves by their work.  If you asked them the question, "who are you?" most would answer with their occupation (teacher, doctor, lawyer, shipyard manager, etc.).

But who we are can be better defined by what we do when we're not working, rather than who we perceive ourselves during normal business hours.  During the business week, we are who we have to be based on our job, but on the weekends, we can be who ever we want to be, it's our choice.  Some people have hobbies like fishing or hunting, but some are content with just wasting hours away in front of the TV or the computer, drinking, gambling or sleeping.

Others choose to give time to their church, their children's activities or social groups.  When the choice is up to us, our value system kicks in and we follow whatever is most important to us.   Contrary to what we may believe throughout our professional career, what we do in our leisure time is the best indicator of who we really are.

RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS

Each morning, when my eyes open up, I can think about only one thing: getting to my computer and writing something.  Writing is my passion.  It's the thing than wakes me up in the morning and when I do it right, it makes me come alive.  People always want to know how you find their passion.  I think it's finding out what makes you come "alive."  My brother comes alive when he plays his guitar, another friend comes alive when she dances the hula, my son comes alive when he rides his bicycle.

When you find that thing that makes you come alive, then your purpose is to deliver that passion to the world.  Find your passion then give it away to world.  It's the recipe for our happiness.

REVEALING WHO WE ARE

From "The Book of Awakening" by Mark Nepo:

"It is perhaps the oldest of inner laws, as inescapable as gravity.  There is no chance of lifting into any space larger than yourself without revealing the parts you hold closest to your chest.

Any time you hesitate revealing who you are, picture yourself as a bird perched on a roof, wings tucked at your sides.  To enter a relationship without opening your heart is to jump off that roof without spreading your wings.

It's true that baby birds hesitate the first time out of the nest, but once tasting the air, it is in their nature to open and rise, and close and land.  This is their life.  It is ours too.

The paradox, of course, is that we must trust that the power to lift and land, for us, is in revealing what we hide.  Once revealed, these tender things become our wings."

THE WAY THAT OTHERS SEE US

Early in my professional career, I was working for a large international airline as a field representative.  My job was to make sales calls on travel agents and persuade them to book passengers on our airline.  As sales positions go, it was an entry level position.

Less than a year into my job, we had a national sales meeting in Vancouver, BC, where all the field representatives and their managers gathered for our semi-annual meeting.  The Executive Vice-President of Marketing flew in from Honolulu to chair the meeting.  During the two days, he talked about our expansion and a "reorganization of leadership" that was going to take place within the month.  Some people were excited about the reorganization, but others were wary that their positions could be eliminated.

When the meeting was over, the big boss asked me if I would drive him to the airport in Seattle, a two and a half hour drive.  Since I was going in that direction, I was glad to oblige.   After 20 minutes or so of pleasantries and sports talk, he revealed the reason I was driving him to Seattle.   His plan was to make me Director of Sales for all of North America, a newly created position.  I was stunned and immediately started referring to other people in the company that were more qualified and deserving of such a high position.  It didn't seem right that I would leap frog over dozens of people that had been with the airline for decades.

But he went on to explain why he thought I could do the job and why I was the most qualified person in the company, as far as he was concerned.  By the end of the drive, I reluctantly agreed to take the position and actually went on to do very well.  But that experience taught me a huge lesson about the difference between how we see ourselves and how others see us.  The lesson?

We rarely see ourselves the way that others do.


Other people don't see us as potential failures (like we do).  Other people look as us in terms of our strongest traits (not our weakest traits like we do).   Other people visualize us as successful most of the time (not like we do).  Other people have belief in us (even if we don't believe in ourselves).

Sometimes we hide our own greatness behind our fears and doubts and it takes the belief of others to help us break free.

THREE WORDS YOU SHOULD STOP SAYING

If you're a believer in the Law of Attraction (as I am) you know that whatever you give your attention, focus and energy to, you'll get more of, whether it's positive or negative.  Most of us know that if we write down our goals, envision our success and put out the positive vibrations, the Law of Attraction will help us to manifest what we want.

The problem is that we still put out so much negative energy it dilutes the positive things we're trying to manifest.  How does that happen?  It happens when we use the words "don't", "not" and "no."  These words put negative attention, energy and focus on things and it's main reason why we get more of the things we don't want.  Listen to the words you use everyday and see how they can be "re-phrased" to give more positive energy toward what you DO want.

"Don't forget to pick me up at 3" OR "I'll see you at 3."

"I'm not going to spend all weekend working" OR "I'm going to relax this weekend."

"I feel like no one understands me" OR "I want people to understand me better."

It's amazing how much our verbiage contains negative words that put energy, focus and attention on the things we don't want.  Banish the words, "don't", "not" and "no" from your vocabulary and you'll see the difference in what starts showing up in your life.

GOAL SETTERS AREN'T ALWAYS GOAL ACHIEVERS

In the '80's, as I was coming up the corporate ladder, I went to a lot of goal setting seminars.  If there was a "buzz word" in the business world (at that time), it was "goal setting."   I was always amazed why so many people set goals and so few people achieved them.  "Keep your eyes on prize" was the battle call of the workshop facilitators.  Think about your goal, keep it in mind all the time, say your affirmations daily, make a dream board of what your goal will look like, smell like, feel like, etc.   That was certain path to success.

It wasn't.

Only a few people achieved the lofty goals they set.   The others (most of us) were still wondering what happened months after our goals were supposed to be achieved.  What was the difference between us and the gifted few?

People who achieve goals focus on the activities it takes to reach their goals.  They break things down to what they have to do everyday (some every hour or even every minute).  Real achievers understand that it takes focused work everyday and that the accumulated effect of daily effort is enormous.  When I watch the people on "The Biggest Loser" the thing that hits me right between the eyes is not the amount of weight they lost, but it's the difficulty of the work they had to do every single day to get there.

I once read a story about a man who wrote hundreds of books while holding down a full-time job and raising a a large family.  He did it by simply writing for two hours a day several times a week.  The compounding effect of a small amount of daily time is enormous if you can remain consistent.

Anyone who achieves goals does so through consistent action.

THE ABC's OF GREAT MARRIAGES

As most of you know, I'm a big Dr. Oz fan because I think he translates complicated medical information into a very easy to understand format that the average person can understand. But now I have a new hero, it's his wife, Lisa.

Lisa Oz is a talented writer, speaker, actress and radio show host on the Oprah network. She has written several books on personal growth and relationships and made a guest appearance on her famous husband's television show last week. Touting her new book, "US: Transforming Ourselves and the Relationships that Matter Most," she gave a simple "ABC's" of great marriages.

A means "appreciation" which helps us to focus on the good things about our partner. She said most people tend to focus on the things that irritate us, which only tends to make matters worse.

B means to "be present." We tend to get so caught up in our own world that we often get complacent and don't pay much attention to our partners. Being present means you set aside time everyday to focus on connecting with your partner, giving them your full attention and making plans together.

C means "commitment to change." Dr. Oz made an interesting comment during this segment. He said, "women marry men for who they might become, but men don't generally change much. Men marry women for who they are, but women change almost completely every 5-7 years." If you've been married more that 15 years, the person you started with, is not the person that is in front of you today. Make the adjustment or make the change.

OUR GROWTH IS OUTSIDE OUR COMFORT ZONE

I wrote in an earlier blog saying that our purpose in life is to identify the gifts we were given and then deliver those gifts to world. My gift is writing and speaking but it took a long time for me to have the confidence to believe I really had gifts and then find different ways to bring them to people.

I've always had a passion for writing, but could never figure out a way to make a living doing it. That was always the challenge: how to pursue my passion and keep the lights on at the same time. Then I listened to an audio program by author and speaker Patrick Combs, and suddenly, the answer appeared.

Combs said, "Passion is what grows you because it places you outside your comfort zone. You can't grow if you just sit quietly in your comfort zone. Most people don't want to change because it takes energy, focus and a bit of risk to venture out. A person who lives a life of passion is constantly expanding their world. Living a life of passion means living a life of constant growth."

It hasn't been easy to basically stop working and devote hours everyday to writing, researching and creating material. But the Universe has rose up to support me in ways that I could have never imagined and it gets better everyday. I feel like I'm at the beginning of the greatest period of personal growth in my life and I see it working for others.

You know your life is growing when you start moving outside your comfort zone. It's scary at first, but exhilarating after the first few steps.

WHY WE ALWAYS LOSE THE COMPARISON GAME

In elementary school, I sat near Henry Ishibashi. Henry was very smart, especially in science and math, both of which were my worst subjects. When we had math or science assignments, it would be a foregone conclusion that Henry would have his paper returned with a "100%" on it. My papers, on the other hand, were somewhere south of 70%.

When it came to math, I secretly wished I was Henry. That's my earliest recollection of the "comparison game". You know how that works, you take your worst trait (like math) and compare yourself to the person who is the absolute best at it. Never mind that Henry could count to 100 at 3 years old or that he had a sister who was a top math student herself. It's the recipe for a lifelong battle of disappointment and feelings of inadequacy.

There's always going to be someone smarter, faster, cuter, brighter, more intelligent, better at crossword puzzles, who can eat more, looks more sexy, can sing better, etc., etc. It's easy to give up on something when we see others who can attain success so easily, while we struggle just to get to entry level. We spend so much time trying to be like someone else, we lose track of our own strengths, our own passions, our own purpose.

In single acorn, there is everything needed to grown a huge oak tree. In each of us, we have our own unique seeds to grow ourselves into our individual greatness. We can do so much more with life when we focus on who we are instead of who we are not.

OPRAH'S GREATEST LESSSON

If you were fortunate enough to catch the last episode of "Oprah" she makes a point of saying the single greatest thing she learned over her 25 years on television was gratitude. This isn't a lesson that just showed up one day with a ground-breaking guest or as the subject of a book in her famous book club. This was something that showed up almost everyday over the thousands of shows she did.

When Oprah made the fundamental decision in the 80's that her show could help people transform themselves, regardless of their situation, she knew that only gratitude could accomplish the internal changes she sought. Gratitude allows you to look at every situation as "perfect", as part of the lessons you are here to learn. Oprah cited dozens of guests that were burned beyond recognition, sexually abused, cheated on, lied to, survived deadly diseases, watched their loved ones murdered or killed and every type of adversity imaginable.

The common thread among all her guests, was that at some point, every person saw the importance their situation brought to the personal growth of their lives. In almost every case, people were grateful to survive, grateful to see life from a different perspective and grateful to experience each magical day. Gratitude brought all these people out of "victim" mentality and gave them the power to shape their own destiny.

Oprah says that gratitude is the doorway to a new consciousness. A consciousness that allows us to see that the quality of our lives really depends on the quality of our thoughts.

"Whatever you think about, you bring about," she said.

When A Worm Gets Cut in Two

Mark Nepo, in his book, "The Book of Awakening" tells the story of what happens when a worm gets cut in half.

"The worm is one of the only creatures that grows from being cut. Mysteriously, if you cut a worm in two, each cut half becomes a whole, and you have two worms.

What is it in how the worm lives that allows it to grow from its pain, and how might we translate that to being human? Well, without looking too far, the worm is completely in touch with the earth. In fact, it eats the earth. It lives in humus-soil- inside and out.

Perhaps the secret to growing from our wounds is to live close to the earth, to live with our hearts and minds and bellies always in touch-both inside and out-with that which is larger than we are.

Perhaps, when cut in two, it is a life of humility, of risking to be at one with the soil of our experience, that allows us to heal into something entirely new."

How the Law of Attraction Works

I gave a friend a copy of "The Secret" because he wanted to learn more about the Law of Attraction. After reading the book, he called me and said he understood the concept of "whatever you think about, you bring about." Wanting to exercise his new found "powers", he started to focus his thoughts on a new car. He did this everyday for a month.

Then he called me to complain.

"This stuff doesn't really work," he said. "I've been thinking about a new car for a month and I don't see any new wheels in my driveway," he added.

I laughed and then started to explain what I knew about the Law of Attraction.

"The Law of Attraction is an energy cycle. You not only put your thoughts out there, but you put your energy out there and it comes back to you. You have to give consistent service to others, you have to give consistent action and be consistently in gratitude. That's the "fuel" that the Law of Attraction needs to work," I said.

If you can do these things consistently, everything you want and desire will eventually be drawn to you. It took my friend a year, but he eventually got the car that he wanted.